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Wired for Love10 Guiding Principles to Improve Your Relationship
a recorded interview with Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, Author of "Wired for Love"


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Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.

 

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A Retreat Just For The Two Of You

Resources

Posted on: June 27th, 2017 by CoupleEnrichment No Comments

Psychology  |  Parenting  |  Healthy Body, Healthy Mind  |  Area Attractions

Recommended Readings – Psychology

We would like to recommend some books that you might find useful as a resource. The list will be revised from time to time, so we suggest you bookmark the page for future reference. Our current suggestions include:

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT – New Harbinger Pubns Inc; Original edition, 2012

“What the heck is my partner thinking?” is a common refrain in romantic relationships, and with good reason. Every person is wired for love differently, with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and rituals, making it possible to actually neurologically prime the brain for greater love and fewer conflicts.

Wired for Love is a complete insider’s guide to understanding a partner’s brain and promoting love and trust within a romantic relationship. Readers learn ten scientific principles they can use to avoid triggering fear and panic in their partners, manage their partners’ emotional reactions when they do become upset, and recognize when the brain’s threat response is hindering their ability to act in a loving way. By learning to use simple gestures and words, readers can learn to put out emotional fires and help their partners feel more safe and secure. The no-fault view of conflict in this book encourages readers to move past a “”warring brain”” mentality and toward a more cooperative “”loving brain”” understanding of the relationship. Based in the sound science of neurobiology, attachment theory, and emotion regulation research, this book is essential reading for couples and others interested in understanding the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships.

Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT – New Harbinger Pubns Inc; Original edition, 2015

In the age of online dating, finding a real connection can see more daunting than ever! So, why not stack the odds of finding the right person in your favor? This book offers simple, proven-effective principles drawn from neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find the perfect mare.

In Wired for Dating, psychologist and relationship expert Stan Tatkin—author of Wired for Love—offers powerful tips based in neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find a compatible mate and go on to create a fabulous relationship.

Using real-life scenarios, you’ll learn key concepts about how people become attracted to potential partners, move toward or away from commitment, and the important role the brain and nervous system play in this process. Each chapter explores the scientific concepts of attachment theory, arousal regulation, and neuroscience. And with a little practice, you’ll learn to apply these exercises and practical techniques to your dating life.

If you’re ready to get serious (or not!) about dating, meet your match, and have more fun, this book will be your guide.


Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships
(6 CDs – 5 hours, 50 minutes)
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

Shift Out of Conflict and into Connection, Safety, and Intimacy“Improve your brain, improve your relationships.” That’s what Stan Tatkin has learned from his leading-edge work as a researcher and couples therapist. In this complete audio learning program, he merges current insights from neurobiology and attachment theory to help you shift out of conflict and into deeper and more loving connections. You will first learn to identify attachment styles—the patterns of intimacy that begin in our earliest years—both in ourselves and in those around us. Then Dr. Tatkin will guide you through his proven principles and practices for building enduring security and commitment between couples, family members, and others that we love.

Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy
Marion Solomon, Ph.D. and Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT – W. W. Norton & Company, 2011

What happens between partners that makes love turn to war? How can couples therapists help deescalate the battles? Two leading the
rapists apply the latest neuroscience research on emotional arousal to help couples regulate each other’s emotions, maintain secure attachment, and foster positive, enduring relationships.


Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Sue Johnson, Ph.D. – Little, Brown & Company, 2008

Dr. Johnson talks about the Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of  Love that will create stronger, more secure relationships. In HOLD ME TIGHT, Dr. Sue Johnso teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment-and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples can learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.

Tell Me No Lies: How to Stop Lying to Your Partner—and Yourself–in the 4 Stages of Marriage

Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. and Peter T. Pearson, Ph.D. with Judith D. Schwartz
– St. Martin’s Press, 2000

Tell Me No Lies offers a riveting account of the lies we tell our partners (and ourselves) in marriage. Some people lie because they lack the nerve to tell their partners what they feel, while others are so terrified of hearing the truth that they encourage their mates to lie to them, thus falling into “Lie Invitee” behavior. This book examines the four marital stages-The Honeymoon, Emerging Differences, Freedom, and Together as Two-and how deception interferes with development in each of the stages. For example, couples in the Honeymoon stage are often under the illusion that they are perfectly content and have everything in common.

This book also illustrates how each of these stages can go awry, leading to more dangerous lies such as those in: The Dark Side of the Honeymoon, when couples refuse to acknowledge any problems; the Stalemate, when couples fight and brutalize each other with exaggerated truths; and Freedom Unhinged, when independence outweighs togetherness and marital anarchy ensues.

Offering a new way of thinking about truth and deception, this book will help you understand the dynamics of your marriage in the context of the marital stages. If you can identify your marital stage, you can overcome the barriers to honesty and move on to a happier and more fulfilling marriage.


Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

Esther Perel
– Harper Collins, 2006

This book addresses the dynamics of domestic couples and reveals how to emotionally and physically love without losing ourselves.


Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

David Schnarch, Ph.D. 
– Fitzhenry & Whiteside Ltd., 1997

Dr. David Schnarch’s book is a daring and pioneering work that challenges couples to work together on the sexual and emotional blocks that hold them back from total satisfaction with each other. Dr. David Schnarch talks about love and intimacy in committed relationships, from the point of view of systems theory and, in particular, the concept of “differentiation”. This concept is similar to “related individuality”, a notion that is integral to The Couple Enrichment ApproachTM.


The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. – Three Rivers Press, 1999

John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years.


The Art of Loving
Erich Fromm – Harper & Row, 1956

The Couple Enrichment Approach™ has incorporated some of the core ideas presented in Fromm’s book, namely that love is an art, an activity that requires learning and mastery through disciplined practice.


Understanding Human Nature

Alfred Adler, 1927
 – Hazelden Foundation, 1998

An introduction to the world of Adlerian psychology with an underlying view that human beings would live together more satisfactorily if they had more knowledge about human nature.


Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths to Personal Growth – Open the Door to Self-Understanding by Writing, Reading, and Creating a Journal of Your Life
Kathleen Adams – Warner Books, 1990

A nationally known expert in journal therapy describes specific techniques for keeping your own journal. This is a step-by-step guide to creating a powerful tool for better living – and a simple, rewarding way to achieve greater self-awareness.

For Better of for Worse…But Not for Lunch: Making Marriage Work in Retirement
Sara Yogev, Ph.D.
 – McGraw-Hill E-Books, 2001

Retirement has come to have a devastating impact on marriages, and Dr. Sara Yogev, a psychologist specializing in work-family issues, explores this thoroughly in this engaging, warm, and incisive book. Yogev’s work in this area reveals that even the most happily married couples experience great difficulty coping with everything from “premature retirement” to “unrealistic expectations fostered by the media and baby-boomer consciousness.” Relying on vivid case studies from her own practice, Yogev explains why retirement is much harder psychologically on couples today than in years past and offers techniques and tools for preserving relationships threatened by problems that arise after retirement.


Professional Schools of Psychology & Training Resources

www.stantatkin.com (for couples)  www.thepactinstitute.com (for training)
A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT)

www.adler.ca
Adler Professional Schools (Toronto, Canada)

www.adler.edu

The Alder School of Professional Psychology (Chicago, Illinois)

www.alfredadler.org
The North American Society for Adlerian Psychology (NASAP)

www.oaccpp.ca
Ontario Association of Consultants, Counsellors, Pyschometrists and Psychotherapists (OACCPP)

www.career-lifeskills.com
Career/LifeSkills Resources Inc. – Offer training programs, tests, test booklets, scoring materials etc. for the MBTI™ and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator™ (registered trademarks of Consulting Psychologists Press, Inc.).

www.psychometrics.com
Psychometrics Canada Ltd. – provides training and resources for psychologists, counsellors, mental health professionals, career coaches, HRD and organizational development specialists using Myers-Briggs Type Indicator™, Strong Interest Inventory®, FIRO-B and other personality, skills and assessment inventories.

www.sieccan.org
Sex Education and Information Council of Canada (SIECCAN) is a national non-profit educational organization established to foster public and professional education about human sexuality.

www.siecus.org
Sex Education and Information Council of the United States. SIECUS develops, collects, and disseminates information, promotes comprehensive education about sexuality, and advocates the right of individuals to make responsible sexual choices.

Parenting – An Adlerian Approach

A video and online-based approach to parenting with some wonderful books to read. You can purchase all of Dr. Michael Popkin’s books on Amazon.ca. (We suggest that you use this Canadian distributor, because Amazon.com does not have all his books available):

Some helpful books to get started:

Active Parenting Now in 3: Your Three-Part Guide to a Great Family by Michael H. Popkin (Paperback – Apr 27, 2005)

Parenting Your 1-4-Year-Old (Paperback, May 28, 2003)

Doc Pop’s 52 Weeks of Active Parenting: Proven Ways to Build a Healthy and Happy Family (Hardcover, Jan 5, 2005)

Active Parenting of Teens (Paperback, Oct 16, 2009)

Active Parenting Now: For Parents of Children Ages 5 to 12 (Paperback, May 28, 2009)

Biographical information about Dr. Popkin: http://www.activeparenting.com/About-Michael_Popkin

The Theory behind Active Parenting: http://www.activeparenting.com/About-Adler

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

Get Healthy Today with Dr. Fuhrman’s Lower Your Blood Pressure and Cholesterol Seminar and save $10 with Promo Code SM10! Start Your Health Journey and Save Today!

Super Immunity is a compelling, yet easy-to-follow approach that gets the body’s immune system working to its fullest potential, and thereby promoting the body’s strongest defence. From avoiding common infections and dangerous bacteria, to preventing cellular dysplasia and cancer, Dr. Fuhrman reviews the power of nutritional excellence and the super foods that can enable us to push the envelope of human longevity.
Super Immunity Book Cover

What constitutes a healthy diet that is actually disease protecting versus one that is disease promoting? What degree of nutritional excellence is necessary to make a diet therapeutically disease reversing? How do we measure the quality of our diet or the degree of nutritional excellence we are obtaining?

Eat For Health answers these questions with logic and science. Dr. Fuhrman presents a well-researched , highly effective and long-lasting weight loss program. But more than that — he helps you learn to judge the nutritional quality of your diet in order to discern whether it is optimal for delivering the therapeutic effects for disease reversal and prevention.
Joel Fuhrman M.D. is a board–certified family physician with a private practice in Flemington, New Jersey, who specializes in preventing and reversing disease through nutritional and natural methods.

If you want to live longer, reduce your need for medications, lose weight faster than you ever thought possible, and dramatically improve your health, you will want to read Dr. Fuhrman’s book Eat For Health.

efh_books_w_case_web_175w
Eat to Live (paperback) is a New York Times Best Seller — completely revised and updated) that will let you live longer, reduce your need for medications, and  improve your health dramatically. It is a book that will change the way you want to eat. Most importantly, if you follow the Eat To Live diet, you will lose weight faster than you ever thought possible and never gain it back.

Dr. Fuhrman Eat to Live – Paperback


Dr. Fuhrman Eat to Live Cookbook: 200 Delicious Nutrient-Rich Recipes for Fast and Sustained Weight Loss, Reversing Disease, and Lifelong Health – Sig

To benefit more from Dr. Fuhrman’s knowledge, and have the support of others from all over the world who have been following his program successfully, you can join Dr. Fuhrman’s Member Center. As a member, you can write Dr. Fuhrman and his medical associates about your health and weight challenges to get direct feedback by Dr. Fuhrman and/or a member of his medical team.

Get Pumped With Plant Protein, Naturally

Protein powders are all the rage for many gym-goers, but is there a better, more healthful way to build muscle mass? In this article, learn what actually makes muscles grow, why timing is everything, how isolated protein found in powders may do more harm than good, and how you can plate your protein and max your muscle with whole, nutrient-rich foods! Read more..


Mediterranean pine nuts are richer in protein than any other plant food, including soybeans (10%), sesame seeds (18%), sunflower seeds (21%), and even hemp seeds (33%). More info on Mediterranean pine nuts..

$5 off Pine Nuts – Coupon Code PINENUTS5


Affiliate Marketing Disclosure

If you click on an icon or text link that leads you to websites such as Amazon.com, Amazon.ca, or DrFuhrman.com, and you buy a book, we (Couple Enrichment Inc.) will receive a small affiliate fee.  We do not recommend any products or services that we have not reviewed or tried ourselves, and neither of these companies pay us in any other way.

Area Attractions

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We are members of The Hills of Headwaters Toursim Association. You will have plenty of time to enjoy this wonderful area when you are in Hockley Valley for your Couple Intensive Retreat. You can pick up a copy of the HHTA’s award-winning annual Visitor’s Guides and other tourist pamphlets at the Visitor’s Information Centre in Orangeville, at the corner of Broadway and Highway 10 when you arrive here . We encourage you to browse through the Hills of Headwaters site before you arrive to learn about the natural beauty of the area and the many outdoor and cultural activities that draw people to this region throughout the year. You might also want to book a massage or aesthetics appointment at Spa O, which is located right in the Orangeville Best Western Plus & Suites.

Located one hour north of Toronto, Ontario, Canada in the beautiful Hockley Valley. Our home-based counselling office is in Mono Township. We are 10 minutes north east of Orangeville, ON (7 kms north of Hwy. 9, and 3 kms west off Airport Road). We serve the entire GTA (Greater Toronto Area). Our Ontario clients have come from Ajax, East York, Etobicoke, Mississauga, Markham, Newmarket, North York, Richmond Hill, Scarborough, Thornhill, Toronto, Alliston, Amaranth, Aurora, Ballinafad, Barrie, Bolton, Brampton, Burlington, Cambridge, Caledon, Caledon East, Collingwood, Elora, Erin, Fergus, Georgetown, Guelph, Grimsby, Hamilton, Hockley Valley, Ilderton, Kanata, Kingston, Listowel, London, Mono, North Bay, Oakville, Orangeville, Oshawa, Ottawa, Peterborough, St. Catherines, St. Thomas, Sarnia, Sault Ste. Marie, Shelburne, Sudbury, Tottenham, Winchester, and Waterloo. Easily accessible from the Toronto International Airport, clients have visited us from Australia, Dubai, Great Britain, Jamaica, and the United States (Alaska, Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Atlanta, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Michigan, New Hampshire, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennesee and Texas). In Canada, we have counselled clients from Newfoundland, Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Quebec, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Alberta, British Columbia, Nunavut, and the North West Territories.