Feature Articles from
Past Issues:
Listening
with The Third Ear:
The
Untapped Art of
Communication
Listening
with The Third Ear:
The
Untapped Art of
Communication
Have
you ever had the
experience of hearing
your partner say that he
is "doing just fine",
but you know deep down
that not all is well?
The look in his eyes,
the way he holds his
body tells you that
behind these words there
is sadness, anger, or
some kind of
anxiety.
Trust what you feel. You
are "listening with the
third ear".
Many of us take the
words we hear at face
value. In a
conversation, when we
are not speaking , we
are more often than not
busy composing our next
thought - or rebuttal.
What appears as a
"dialogue" between two
people is often in
reality two monologues
masquerading as a
conversation. We call
this experience
"communication".
However, communication
involves both listening
and self-expression. To
communicate well we must
have the ability to
express ideas, emotions
and perceptions, to
touch and penetrate so
that we can reach the
other person's centre
(core). To do this, we
must be able to receive
"the message" - and
sometimes hidden
messages -- from others,
by listening
actively.
How do we do this?
Listening, in the
broadest sense of the
word, involves sensing,
hearing, feeling and
experiencing another
person. We need to be
interested in the other
person, and be willing
to enter into their
world of experience to
truly understand what
they're expressing. We
also need to ask
questions that are aimed
at knowing the person,
rather than aimed at
being liked, accepted or
validated ourselves.
We need to begin to
practice what Theodore
Reik talked about in his
book, Listening with the
Third Ear. (Reik was a
psychoanalyst who wrote
about his own inner
experiences and the
skills he brought to
bear in helping him
understand the
unconscious processes of
his clients.)
Listening with the Third
Ear implies sensitivity
- not only to what is
said, but also to what
is not said - or what is
being inferred. As you
develop your ability to
listen with the third
ear you may begin to
sense feelings that your
partner may or may not
be aware of
consciously.
Practise
Listening with the Third
Ear
- listen
to more than the
words; see if you can
identify emotion(s)
behind the words;
don't necessary take
your partner's words
literally
- listen
to tone of voice,
gestures, postures,
even subtle cues
(vibes) -- listen to
the whole person
- bring
to your partner's
awareness ideas or
emotions that you
feel he or she may
not be directly
expressing - that
they might not yet be
conscious of
- develop
your capacity to
speak in a way that
reaches your partner;
learn each other's
"language", then
speak in a way that
he or she can hear
you.
For
an exercise that will
help you develop the
capacity to Listen with
the Third Ear, please
write us at
HeartoftheMatter@couple-enrichment.com
and we will be happy to
send it to
you.
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