Feature Articles from Past Issues: Men and Women Are From Planet Earth Developing our Feminine and Masculine Polarities Men and Women Are From Planet Earth Many people who study relationships explain the difficulties between the sexes as having to do primarily with the fundamental, perhaps even innate differences between men and women. In fact, there is a popular school of thought that says that men and women are planets apart, fundamentally different from each other, engaged in a struggle for interplanetary co-existence. The key to making relationships work, they say, is learning what makes the other species tick, understanding how to communicate effectively, negotiating differences and mastering the art of " compromise". The differences between the anatomy and physiology of men and women are obvious. Recent scientific studies have even pointed to differences in our brain size and structure. We know that culture and social conditioning have played a big role in our development and that we respond differently to life situations, both psychologically and emotionally. But are the differences so great that we can turn a blind eye to the fundamental sameness which is shared by both sexes? Can we ignore the humanness that is in all of us? The relationship between a man and a woman is a relationship between two human beings. And the difficulties we face in relationships are not specific to our male and female characteristics, but to how we relate to ourselves and others as human beings. Stated differently, the difficulties between men and women have more to do with character (which we develop from childhood as a result of family of origin and environmental influences), than they do with gender. The Human Dilemma Both men and women face the same existential dilemma, namely, finding ways to unite with others, overcoming the feeling of aloneness and developing a sense of belonging. Each of us must find answers to fundamental questions like: What is the purpose of life? What kind of person do I want to be? What values will guide my behaviour? How am I going to fulfill my potential as a human being? How do I unite and stay connected with my partner [this also applies to parents, children, friends and colleagues] without losing my sense of self, my independence and freedom, and my own personal integrity. Relating to each other as aliens from two different planets distorts the differences and diminishes the sameness between the sexes. Both men and women have feminine and masculine characteristics. In each of us, one of these polarities is stronger, usually depending on our gender. (This has little to do with sexual orientation.) If we want to connect more deeply with our partners, we each need to recognize and develop both our feminine and masculine sides. Then we will inherit the earth as homo sapiens, human beings who can love and respect each other because, in fact, we have much in common. Back to Top   Click here for more information on The Couple Enrichment Approach™.  Developing our Feminine and Masculine Polarities Each of us, regardless of gender, has masculine and feminine qualities. But usually, one side of this polarity is stronger than the other. For example, masculinity is often associated with guidance (the desire to problem-solve), activity (doing!), discipline, penetration, and adventurousness. Femininity is associated with receptiveness, protectiveness, endurance, and motherliness. In both men and women, these characteristics may be blended, but one is more predominant than the other. There are both positive and negative aspects to each of these polarities. For example, a characteristic associated with being male, is aggressiveness. The negative side would be the tendency towards violence and the use of force. The positive side would be the ability to be assertive. A characteristic associated with being female would be the desire to take care of others. The positive side would be the desire to respond to the needs of others, while the negative side would be the tendency to be self-sacrificing. Finding a balance between these two polarities can change the dynamics of what happens in relationships. Think about the areas in which you can develop more of your masculine and feminine qualities. Look at the chart below. If you were more self-expressive, would you be so easily dominated? If you are inclined to put most of your energy into taking care of others, can you, at the same time, put the same energy into taking care of yourself? Next, describe qualities that you see in yourself and in your partner. Make up a chart (similar to the one below) listing these qualities as either being male or female. Choose a quality that describes you best: Is it on the negative or the positive side of the chart? If it is negative, how you can develop the positive aspects of that quality? How strongly developed is the corresponding polarity to it? How can you find a balance between these two polarities? Female + Female - Male + Male- service to "we" self-sacrificing service to "I" selfishness consensus-seeker blind follower leader dictating yielding easily dominated persuasive use of force unconditional love anything goes conditional love rigid principles attached love no boundaries detached love aloofness Back to Top   Click here to read some of the Testimonials that have been sent to us by our counselling clients and workshop participants.   This page contains Feature Articles only. If you are a Subscriber, and want to return to the current issue of Heart of the Matter, or if you have come from and wish to return to our newsletter OPT IN page, please click the BACK button on your browser. Back to Top SUBSCRIBE FREE: Click here to subscribe and have immediate access to many links, tools and resources that will help you increase the joy, love and passion you share -- or would like to share --with your current or future partner. OUR PRIVACY POLICY: We never rent, trade or sell our e-mail list to anyone for any reason whatsoever. You'll never get an unsolicited e-mail from a stranger as a result of joining this list. Share your experiences with us. Send your questions or comments to: HeartoftheMatter@couple-enrichment.com   Back to Top E-Stationery : Empowering your business through e-mail. Couple Enrichment Inc. 348451 - 15 Sideroad, RR#5 Orangeville, ON L9W 2Z2 Canada Contact us by email Telephone: (Toll Free) 1-877-897-2333 Orangeville Local Line: 519-942-3338 Fax: 519-942-3305 We are located one hour north of Toronto in the beautiful Hockley Valley, Ontario CANADA Serving the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), our home-based counselling office is in Mono Township (Hwy 9 and Airport Road), just east of Orangeville, ON ______________________________________________ We serve the entire GTA, including Ajax, East York, Etobicoke, Mississauga, Markham, Newmarket, North York, Richmond Hill, Scarborough, Thornhill, Toronto, Alliston, Amaranth, Aurora, Barrie, Bolton, Brampton, Burlington, Caledon, Caledon East, Collingwood, Erin, Georgetown, Guelph, Hamilton, Hockley Valley, London, Mono, North Bay, St. Thomas, Shelburne, Sudbury, Oakville, Orangeville, Shelburne, and Tottenham. Easily accessible to the Toronto International Airport. Our clients have come from as far away as Australia, Dubai, Great Britain, Jamaica, and in the United States, from: Alaska , Alabama, California, Colorado, Florida, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Michigan, Ohio, Phoenix, Pennsylvania, and Texas. In Canada, we have counselled clients from the east to west coast, beginning in Newfoundland. They have come from Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Quebec, Ontario, Alberta, and even the North West Territories. Back to Top © Copyright 2000-2008 Couple Enrichment Inc. Link to other pages on this site to find information on: Couples Retreats :: Couples Intensive Retreats :: Marriage Retreats :: Couples Counseling Retreats :: Couples Counseling :: Marriage Enrichment Retreats :: Marriage Counseling :: Marriage Preparation :: Relationship Counseling :: Marriage Enrichment :: Online Self-Help Articles :: Toronto & Hockley Valley Ontario offices   Back to Top © Copyright 2000-2004 Couple Enrichment Inc.